Proverbs 21:9

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Husbands, of course, can also be quarrelsome, but since this proverb speaks specifically of the wife; let’s consider her case. Someone has made the wry comment: “A man marries a woman and is surprised to find that she changes. A woman marries a man and is surprised that he doesn’t change.” She is surprised that he still puts off the work he needs to do – whether it be house chores, or paying bills, or even for his job. After months and years, he still is clueless about his lack of affection, how he takes her for granted, and how he hurts her feelings.

She is especially frustrated because she has corrected him and reminded him time and again. She has even scolded him, even tried to shame him into action. Indeed, she becomes upset with herself. She doesn’t like quarreling; she doesn’t like hearing herself fuss. Why can’t her husband understand this and just change a little?

The husband does need to change and will be held accountable before God for his sin. Meanwhile, the wife needs to exercise wisdom. If quarreling does not achieve results, stop quarreling. It only increases frustration for both wife and husband. Take time to understand what really motivates your husband. Study him. It is better for the wife’s welfare for her to act wisely through understanding than to stew over his laziness.

More importantly, she should take time to focus on the Bridegroom who is preparing her as a bride to be spotless and in splendor. She will only be able to love her husband well as she loves her Bridegroom. She can only love her husband according to how well she knows the love of her Bridegroom. She can only be as wise as she understands her Bridegroom’s wisdom by which he is working in her life.

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